THIS JUST IN...

New Nudist Airlines are booked solid!*

In light of the recent attempt by a Nigerian passenger to ignite explosives smuggled on board in his underwear and the past attempt by another potential terrorist to ignite explosives smuggled in his shoes, the public has become more aware of the benefits of flying totally nude.

One passenger explains that flying au naturale eliminates long security lines at the airport "They rush us through without making us walk through metal detectors. Obviously the TSA recognizes our commitment to aircraft safety."

Maybe Nudist Airlines has struck upon the only idea that would actually work. After all everyone knows that new security measures will only prevent the same incident from reoccurring and will not prevent terrorists from finding new and frighteningly ingenious ways to circumvent said security measures.

Also, does the TSA understand that hiring minimum wage baggage and passenger screeners, most of whom are under educated or without proper motivation to conduct such important screening processes thoroughly, could be one of the weakest links in the security armor protecting US air space? It's all well and good to say that new security measures are in place, but when the person doing to screening is not too concerned with executing these measures properly, it is all for naught.

Like the time I was rushed through security in Providence only to realize the screeners neglected to detect the TWO rolls of quarters I had forgotten in my coat pocket...

Or the time in Boston where I walked through the metal detectors with my shoes on only to realize it when I was collecting my laptop. Not one security person noticed this.

Or the time in Phoenix when I got on the plane only to realize I had a full size hand lotion in my purse that not one security screener caught.

Not exactly a vote of confidence for the TSA's ability to keep the public safe no matter how strong the security measure appear to be.

Here's my tip to those flying the friendly skies now and in the future:

1. If you're sitting next to someone who does something fishy - speak up! Don't just pass it off as 'nothing' unless you know for 100% certain that it is nothing.

2. Only fly Nudist Airlines - and if that isn't an option see tip #1.

Passengers are the ones who discovered these two potential terrorist attacks, not the airlines, not security screeners, not any government agency. You cannot simply place your life or the lives of your family members in the hands of the TSA or an airline crew. Keep your eyes open and pay attention. You are much more vested in your own safety than any government agency or airline ever will be.


*Totally kidding about Nudie Air, but it makes you think about where all this is leading. First it's outerwear, then it's shoes. Now will they require us to relinquish our skivvies prior to flying? What about those that 'go commando'? Will they require proof that they are sans-panties? Ugh. I agree with Jenn that taking a boat may now be the only viable option for exiting the country with any sense of dignity and personal liberty in tact.